Captain Ellie's Log, stardate 051214.3

Captain Ellie K. Ward

Captain's Log, stardate 051214.3:

This is my first published communication with the world outside.  The Guard(ian)s are sleeping.  The room is dimly lit and there is a scent of freshly applied baby soap about me.  The bubbling noise to my right would indicate that I am submerged in some kind of aquarium, but I am not.  The transparent tube connecting the eerily calming sound to my nose would indicate that this is some kind of advanced breathing assistance apparatus.  At least they are kind captors.

Though not in an aquarium, I am in a cage of another kind.  The Guard(ian)s do frequently take me out to "squish" me.  They aren't very literal in their usage of the term, but I'll not push my luck.  Oftentimes, they sit with me in the wooden chair.  As friction gathers in it's joints, it emits some kind of sleeping gas.  I typically doze off before I am able to fully analyze my surroundings.  When I awake, I find the Guard(ian) in charge is asleep, as well.  The vapors have a particularly strong effect on the male.

I'm not sure where the two younger male creatures are.  I am sure they are behind the curtain orchestrating this whole mess.  The assurance of not risking being stepped on curbs my curiosity as to their whereabouts.  Oddly, the lack of chaos takes me out of my element a bit.  Their "kisses" (the showing of affection by touching their eating apparatus to my cranium) does make them a bit endearing.  I'll re-evaluate the status of our relationship once this fiasco comes to a calm.

The Guard(ian)s are joined by others of like size, but significantly increased intelligence.  They often poke and prod to analyze the inner workings of my body.  I've sent a distress signal more than once, but my comrades must be in like situations and unable to intervene.  No worries.  I am not technically in distress, but the language barrier makes it difficult to tell them, "I'm on the verge of rabbit punching you if you come at me with one more needle."  (Note to self:  Store that for when cognitive capabilities and increased speaking functions coincide).  Not to mention, intermittently blaring said signals during their slumber time satiates a selfish giggle.

I've not much more time.  The female is stirring. 

The purpose of this communication is to assure my safety to those reading this.  They typically keep to a regular feeding schedule, the sleeping conditions are tolerable, they tend to my soilings with relative haste and all the beings around me smile.  A lot.  It's kind of troubling.  Nevertheless, there are rumors that they are enhancing my cardiovascular capabilities.  Silly mortals.  They'll never be able to harness the power of the ...

Wait...

What was that?

Signing off...