Every step of our journey with Elizabeth seems like it was
laid out for us… which I know to be true.
Let’s start with her name. We
chose the name Elizabeth Kate long before we knew we were having a baby girl. Actually, I think we picked it out in 2012
when we were expecting Kaleb. Kate was
my great grandmother’s name (well, it was Katherine). Elizabeth is biblically based. Like our boys, we chose names based on
biblical text. We gave Lance the middle
name Joshua and even started Kaleb with a “K” because it was closer to the
Hebrew “Kalev”. This makes us odd, I
know. In 2010, I went on an Emmaus walk
and sat at the table of Elizabeth. [My
Emmaus friends will appreciate this: My name is Jackie Ward and I attended the
Greater Sidney Area Women’s Emmaus Walk #51 and sat at the table of Elizabeth
(clap).] Anyhow, I really believe that
God had started to work on my heart and prepare me for the journey ahead at
this time. The scripture above from
Jeremiah was actually the scripture that was posted on all of our materials for
this walk.
In a Bible study based on women of the old testament, I
remember the day we studied Elizabeth.
For those of you who maybe aren’t familiar, Elizabeth was a relative of
Mary (mother of Jesus) and was the mother of John the Baptist. Elizabeth was pretty advanced in age when she
found out she was pregnant. She was also
told ahead of time that her son would be different than others, that he would
serve a great purpose and that he would prepare a way for the savior. In this study, we talked about the turmoil
that Elizabeth must have felt with this.
Complete joy for her pregnancy, of course… but inner turmoil as a mother
knowing that her child would be different and would maybe lead a difficult life. We talked about how none of us want our
children to be different, really, and how that knowledge is hard to swallow as
a parent. None of us want our children
to struggle or suffer physically or socially.
As we sat in the car after our Down syndrome diagnosis… this all came
flooding back to me. Of course our baby
was supposed to be named Elizabeth… that name had been on our minds 4 years
before she was born. Two years before
she’d arrive, I’d sat in that Bible study with tears streaming down my face
thinking about what Elizabeth must have felt knowing her child would be
different. Here I sat, in my van, with
the same emotions running through my veins for our own child. Of course she’s Elizabeth!!
Now that I’ve laid the groundwork on her name… I need to
tell you about 2 more God moments that I’ve had in this journey that CANNOT be
coincidence (because, remember, there is no such thing in my world). On Christmas day 2013, I came down the hallway
holding my first positive pregnancy test for this pregnancy. After months of tears over negative tests, I
couldn’t have been more excited to hold a positive one. And what better day than Christmas, right? Just 4 days later, I sat through church
service and felt compelled to come forward to the altars and surrender my
pregnancy over to God. I did this with
the boys, too… but I never felt like I had to hit the altar for it. I was 5 weeks along. Months and months went by before I looked
back at my journal and read about this surrender. In the same journal entry, I had written
about the development of the baby. I
said that we were 5 weeks along and during this week, the baby’s heart would
divide into 4 chambers and start to beat.
WHOA!! Hold up. The baby’s heart would divide into 4 chambers
and start to beat? By the time I re-read
my journal entry that I had so innocently penned, I knew that Ellie’s heart
didn’t divide into 4 chambers at all. It
did start to beat, but it was missing a whole lot of what would have made it a
typical heart. Psalm 139: 13-14 says, “For you created my inmost being; you knit
me together in my mother’s womb. I
praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are
wonderful, I know that full well.” There is not a doubt in my mind that God was
knitting Ellie together and knew that her heart would be different than mine…
her heart would cause me a lot of stress.
Even still, Ellie was His child and she was, indeed, fearfully and
wonderfully made. God drug me to the
altar that morning… again, there is no doubt in my mind about this. He saw what was happening with my child and
He knew that I’d need Him more in this journey that I’d ever needed Him in the
past. As always, He was right!
The goose bumps didn’t end there for me, though. Last week, we finally heard back from
Cincinnati Children’s about scheduling Ellie’s surgery. First, let me tell you that a month ago, Dr.
Luby told us that she was going to request that Dr. Morales perform the
surgery. She said that this wasn’t
guaranteed. Dr. Morales is the head of
cardiac surgery in Cincinnati, and it wasn’t easy to get a surgery scheduled
with him, but Dr. Luby would try her best.
When Cincinnati called, they called from Dr. Morales’ office – Ellie has
the surgeon that we wanted! He’s the absolute
best (I know the others are amazing as well) in a hospital that is one of the
top in the nation. Celebrations! So we started laying out plans for an echo
(which is today, Wednesday, November 26th), a surgery consult (which
is December 3rd) and a surgery date (which is December 29th). I wrote all of this down and called B to give
him the scoop. Just this week, I started
thinking about our surgery date and also started thinking about those prayers
said at the altar last year. It was then
that I realized that my surrender at the altar was on December 29, 2013. I surrendered the health and development of
my baby to God exactly one year (To. The. Day.) before I will surrender her
again, into the hands of surgeons who God will guide in repairing that broken
little heart. Ugh! I can’t even handle how much God is showing
off here. So in the midst of my anxiety
and fear… I have to look to Him.
When I feel alone: “The Lord himself goes before you and will
be with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged.”
– Deuteronomy 31:8
When I’m anxious: “Be still, and know that I am God…” –
Psalm 46:10
When my heart is in turmoil:
“Do not worry about anything, but
in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let you requests be
made known to God. And the peace of God,
which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in
Christ Jesus.” – Philippians 4:6
And terrified: “So do not fear, for I am with you; do not
be dismayed, for I am your God. I will
strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.”
– Isaiah 41:10
And when I just feel like giving up: “When
the righteous cry for help, the Lord hears, and rescues them from all their
troubles.” – Psalm 34:17
… I could go on for days. I'll update with some pictures later, too. Thank you, again, for following along. Have a wonderful Thanksgiving!
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